Stupid Things I learned about cooking Thanksgiving Dinner

OK, I guess a short explanation is due here.  I'm a single father of five children. Two years ago I faced the task of preparing Thanksgiving dinner for the children and myself . Having never cooked a turkey before, I picked out a nice large one at the supermarket, solidly frozen.  The evening before Thanksgiving, I figured I better get it out to thaw.  1st Mistake.  As most of you chefs out there know, it takes several days to thaw an 18 lb. turkey.  I thought I was smart as I was going to defrost it in the microwave.  After digging out the book that came with the microwave, I was somewhat amazed that they did not list the time for a turkey that large, oh well, I took the next highest time and added 10 minutes to it.  I was smart enough to remove the metal band holding the legs (thanks to the microwave cook book).  I now had it ready to go in the microwave.  Feeling rather smug, I took the tray with the bird on it and popped open the microwave.  I quickly discovered why the large turkey thaw time was not listed, the stupid thing would not fit in the microwave.  OK, now what?  I pulled out another cookbook and read that you could defrost it in cold water (they say not to use hot water because of the possibility of food poisoning?).  So, after searching around for a pan large enough (found one in the camping supplies), I tried that.  After three hours, the silly thing was still frozen solid.  I then set the whole mess in the sink and let warm water from the tap run over it for about an hour.  By this time it was very late and I gave up and went to bed.  The next morning that silly thing felt cold but no longer frozen.  I dug all the stuff out of the inside (be sure to do this as they put the spare parts in a plastic bag and it really ruins the taste of the turkey) and got it ready to cook.  I popped it into the oven and set the timer.  I figured since it was still cold, an extra 45 minutes in the oven should do it.  Wrong again!  At the sound of the oven timer, a beautiful brown turkey emerged.  It smelled terrific.  I had everything else ready by then and set the table and called the kids.  We said Grace and I started to carve the turkey.  Much to my surprise, only the outer layer was actually cooked.  The kids did not notice and thankfully  the drumsticks were cooked through.  It was only later that I realized the stuffing that was inside probably was not healthy to eat.  Oh well, so much for that years disaster.  The next year I got a web savvy turkey, that is to say, the turkey came with instructions and a web site for preparing turkey.  So, here are my hints for a great Thanksgiving meal (last year my kids bragged about what a great meal we had).

Hints:

1.  Get a Butterball Turkey and go to their website (they even have a meal planner so you do everything in advance)

2.  When defrosting in the refrigerator, move it as far away from the cold air duct as possible (last years disaster)

Link to Butterballs Preparation 101 Thawing

3.  Get some frozen pies and cook them the night before

4.  Pick up some of the Brown N Serve rolls at the grocery in the bread isle.  They are easy to prepare (just bake in the oven) and very good.  Get the "Butter" type.  Better pick them up early and figure on two per person.

5.  Go to the Butterball web site and figure out how big of a turkey you need.  We like leftover turkey here so we always get one larger than needed.

6.  Carve that sucker at the end of the meal to store in the refrigerator.  I separate it into several packages and freeze part of it.

7.  Get turkey gravy in the jar and add some of the drippings from the turkey to it (OK all you chefs out there, remember I am a single dad and not a great cook).

8.  Remember to have fun and if all else fails, I think Shoney's is open on Thanksgiving.

-Merlin-